"Things change and friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody."
So as you guys may have gathered from Alex's umm,interesting, blog last night- the previous week has been a rather strenuous one for our friendship group.
After 8 years of friendship with someone who I kind of thought would be there forever, and someone who I intended to have as one of my bridesmaids at my wedding, things between us have been cut off. Our friendship is over- on Facebook, on twitter, and subsequently in real life too.
Strangely, I don't actually feel sad or angry or bitter or anything about this. I mean, I'm a tad confused about how it actually ended up playing out; but I feel at peace about us not being in each others' lives anymore.
Sometimes friendship ends. Sometimes people need to be in your life, and then they don't. That's life unfortunately.
Anyway, I figured that I would share my side of this story.
For the purposes of respect and anonymity, I will refer to this person as Z throughout this blog.
So around six months ago, I found out that Z wasn't exactly the friend that I thought they were. I found out that they had told multiple people about the secret that I consider my deepest character flaw, and the thing that was a problem I had struggled with restlessly. I also found out that as well as telling these people, she had been completely trivialising my problem and laughing at me behind my back to these other friends of mine.
The thing that hurt most about this, was the fact that I knew that if I tried to speak to her about it, she would lie to my face about it. Me being me, I chose to just let it slide, and keep going.
However, we did naturally seem to drift apart and I wasn't too concerned about it. It just felt like okay, maybe this is the sign that we are both at a place where we need to move on and we didn't really need each other in the other's life anymore. She became closer to her other group of friends, I became close to new people I'd met, but things were still good between us when we spoke, and she was still a friend.
Then in January, her and Alex had a massive argument, and though none of us should have got involved really, due to the fact that the majority of our group did just happen to be closer to Alex at that time; sides were taken.
The separation grew wider, and again, due to the previous things I have mentioned; I was happy to let it slide and let the drift happen in a natural way. A clean break if you will. However, this last few weeks meant that the end was a hell of a lot more dramatic than it needed to be. A few of us went on a group day out last week, and Z was told about it by another member of the group, and got angry- understandably. She then proceeded to, not as understandably, unfollow us all on Twitter, unfriend us all on Facebook and cut us out of her life completely.
I get where she was coming from, I really do, but I also don't think that it warranted the mess it caused. There have been plenty of occasions over the years of our friendships, where someone in the group hasn't been invited to an event. In fact, she wasn't the only one in the group who wasn't invited to this one. The other reason she got upset, was the fact that we made a separate group chat to discuss the trip. Having a separate group chat, again, is not a new thing to our friendship group.
I don't want to blame her for getting upset, because I don't blame her at all. Do I wish that it hadn't ended in such a volatile way? Definitely. Do I acknowledge the fact that we have all been more childish than we should have been. Definitely.
I don't regret anything though, because there's not much point. It's happened now, and there's not really much we can do about it. As I have said before, I very much believe that sometimes there are certain people that you need at a very specific time in your life, and when that time ends, it's not a crime to go your separate ways. As a friend of mine pointed out to me the other day, sometimes we are friends with people just because they are there. I don't necessarily think that was the case with Z and I, and I really did value and appreciate that friendship while it lasted. I will hold on to the positive memories I have of it, and I will try and repress any of the bad ones.
I said it in regards to relationships a while back, but it can also apply to friendships: if you find someone who makes you happy, hold on to that and treasure it for as long OR as little as it lasts.
8 years is a pretty solid run I'd say. The song has now ended, and that's okay. Time for a new track to begin in both of our lives.
The end sucked, like majorly, but sometimes our favourite stories do have crappy endings. We can re-read the good bits when we get sad, but if it's time to put the book back on the shelf and leave it there, you might as well do so.
So thanks for the memories. I'm not angry or sad or resentful. I'm moving on, and you should too.
"Things change and friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody."- Stephen Chbosky