So yesterday, at 4.30 in the morning- I made myself vulnerable in a way I never had before. A way that could make or break me. In a somewhat not that surprising flow of events, things did not go the way I had hoped. I'm sad about it, but I also know that I'm going to be okay.
Something that Alex often says to me, and something that I've really realised recently is that you should feel whatever it is you've got to feel, and not apologise for it. That seems to be very true. I cannot help the fact that I like the person I like, just as much as he can't help the fact that he only sees me as a friend; and that's okay. I feel really proud of myself that I was completely honest and open, because now we've discussed it and are able to move on as friends in a healthy way.
All of yesterday evening, after having spent the whole day in a state of perpetual anxiety waiting for a reply, I was weirdly happy. I managed to eat a full meal for the first time in about a fortnight and I honestly felt like I could take on the world. I'd been brave, honest and I'd done something I'd never done before- and it did not go nearly as bad as it could have done. Sure I'm still single (which if you've read my last blog post, you'd know doesn't bother me), but I've still got a friend in the form of a wonderful guy who has promised not to let my awkward, middle-of-the-night confession change anything; and I know that he means that because I've seen him since and he's already proven it.
Sometimes things go in a way completely different than you've hoped for. You've probably guessed from all my previous blog posts that in this last year especially, I have a hell of a lot of anecdotal proof of that. However, I'm fine, and I'll continue to be fine because I'm going to bounce back. In the big, broken world we live in, I refuse to let my heart getting a little bit dented get to me. I'm going to pick myself up and dust myself off, and I am going to move on. This is a such a small thing in relation to my whole life, and it would stupid to let it defeat me.
Sure, it sucks, and I'll probably feel sad for a while when he's being so nice to me though I know nothing is going to happen. However, I actually feel stronger for having done this.
I'm currently in one of the best places I've been in a long time; in terms of faith, in terms of friends, in terms of happiness. I'm going to appreciate that and revel in it, because what else is there to do?
Bouncing back like a champ, and saluting rejection with a look of solidarity,