So I have found that I have a tendency to get rather fixated on some people. Every time they are mentioned, I can't help but gush about how much I adore them and how great I think they are. However, I'd never really been entirely sure as to why these people in particular affected me so much. I've finally made the connection- and that connection is that God just shines out of them.
So if there's something that God has not just spoken to me about, but also my family recently, it's been intentionality. That idea of intentionally making time to set aside to meet with God. I have found that actually, it's not just our time that we are called to be intentional with, but also, how we actually worship.
To that boy I used to have feelings for...
Today has been one year since the day when I revealed said feelings to you. This last year has been a long one and a strange one, especially when it comes to you. Yes, a lot of how I feel has been said in blogs I've written or poems I've written (you didn't know about those, soz), or even in the indirect passive aggressive tweets I write. However, there's still some stuff to get off my chest, and since I've been reflecting on you the whole of this weekend anyway, I figured that writing you a letter may do me some good.
So waking up yesterday, I woke up to a seemingly different world. I woke up to a world in which Donald Trump was the President of the United States. And it seemed as though hate had won, and the reality of America was revealed. And it felt scarily similar to the way that I felt when I woke up on the 24th June to the news that Brexit had won, and we were to leave the EU. And it's got me thinking a lot about what the state of the world has come to.
So my first essay deadline for the academic year was today. As expected, I only submitted the essay today. In fact, I only wrote it today. Yep, that's right. The whole 2000 words. I actually wrote those whole 2000 words and submitted it in less than 3 hours. I'm not quite sure how either. It was stupid of me, though. After a year of uni, you think I would've learnt to plan my time better, or at least to start planning an essay more than the day before its due date. However, I never seem to learn...
Right. Confession to make. Since around August, I have found myself feeling lower than I have in a while, for an extended period of time, and I have accepted that I am probably depressed again. Having been through depression before, and having been out of it for a bit, being back there kind of sucks. I'm okay though. However, that's the thing... I'm just 'okay'. When someone asked me the other day whether I was 'good okay' or just 'okay okay', I had to answer with the latter, and it made me feel kind of lame to be honest. Not good, not bad, just perpetual okayness.
So with my fresher friends, it has become quite a common thing at the end of the night to play many rounds of the game 'Would You Rather'. However, one of tonight's questions got pretty deep, and it got me thinking. The question in question (lol, good one), was "Would you rather love someone and never be loved back, or be loved and never be able to love?"
So today marks a whole year since I wrote my first blog for The Amiable Network! What an eventful year it has been, though maybe it just seems more so because I've been documenting it to you guys via the internet, but I have loved being able to share it with you guys. Turns out I rather like this blogging thing.
It's been such a therapeutic and releasing thing for me to be able to put down all my feelings and life experiences into words, and I hope that you guys drew something from it too. It's strange to think that I just started this with Alex on a whim, writing about why I love Autumn, yet since then I have covered topics ranging from weight, singleness, and rejection to drifting friends and integrity.
Blogging has been a great way for me to develop my writing, but has also helped me turn my life experiences into stories worth telling. I've learnt to be more vulnerable, in the hopes that it will help you guys as much as it helped me.
Anyway, thanks for taking this journey with me, and here's to the next year. <3
This time (minus a few hours) last week, I was leading my first Bible Study group of the term. And there we were, sat with a load of freshers, new to the Christian Union, but also to Southampton, and something in me felt a strange pang. I remember so vividly my first hall group- where we all sat, what people wore, the thoughts they shared- yet this was no longer my new experience: it was somebody else's.
So yet again, it would seem that I have left a rather prolonged gap between blog posts. This is because there is something about me that you should all know- I'm not very good at prioritising. I care about things, like I really really care; but then other things I could not have greater apathy towards. Problem is, I'm not very good at caring about the right things, or even when I do, it can be harmful. Basically, the phrase 'everything in moderation' is one that I really should heed more.