And though I'm not usually too aware of it, I suddenly became very conscious of my being fat.
I found myself poring over the mirror, looking myself up and down and thinking about the things I don't like about myself. Not just my weight, that too, but the bags beneath my eyes, my stretch marks, my unfortunate hair that seems to be everywhere and whatever else, and I looked at myself thinking about making myself look better.
And then I remembered a quotation from J.K. Rowling, and immediately, my mind stopped racing, and I remembered myself. The quotation is as follows:
“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.
I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me"
I don't think my mum is a bad mum for not keeping us skinny and controlling our diets, and I don't think that i'm a bad person because I'm fat. Like I said before, I'm pretty confident in my own skin, even if it is chubby, and i'm so proud of the person I am now and the one I am becoming.
I've grown in confidence and in a lot of other things over the years and I think one of the ways in which I have grown is that I don't count my appearance for much when comparing it to how much my mind is worth. I work every single day to be thoughtful, kind, creative, authentic, generous and so many other aspects that matter so much more to me than thin. I care about my health, and if I was unhealthily or dangerously overweight I would work to fix it; but the thing is, i'm not. I'm just a lil' chubby. And that's okay. "Man looks out the outside, but God looks at the heart" (1 Sam 16:7) and in my never-ending quest to be more Christ-like, I'm trying to do the same.
There are things I love about myself physically (I have great legs, don't even deny it), but the things I love most about myself come from being confident in the ways I've developed and the traits I work hard to maintain.
In the earlier quote I shared, Rowling goes on to say of what she hopes for her daughters:
"I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons"
So here's to being free, Independent, giving, consequential citizens of the world, whether we are a size 6 or size 16.